The university is a tough place. Trust me. It comes with a
freedom that is unequaled by any other. There are two ways to that: The good
part is that you can while away your time in university, last last, your
parents will sell a piece of land and get you a wife; the bad part is that you
can make proper plans for your future before graduation.The best part about dropping out of school in Nigeria is that it
decreases your chances of getting a job by 90%! Wonderful!
To help you with the
good part, here are some ways you can drop out of school and still become a
BILLIONAIRE:
Do not be prepared
for Lectures:
Attending lectures is
perhaps the most unexciting activity in the entire world. In fact the president
of one big African country is good example of how successful one can be in life
without a University certificate. So do not be prepared for lectures.
It can be underwhelming to come to class and be able to
complete notes. You know some of these lecturers talk fast, some mumble (or get
off topic). So it is best not to look at the course outline and find out what
the lecturer is lecturing on that particular day and take notes prior to the
class, so you will be overwhelmed with copying everything on class days.
Social Media is Key:
Do not limit yourself on social media. Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Instagram and other internet sites are the real deal. You have to do those
things, a lot. Do not, I repeat, do not concentrate on your studies first. Maybe
if you have free time, you study. You
are in University (Mahadum) so you
should mara hadum!
Assignments Suck:
Do not submit assignments. This is very important to dropping
out of school and making it big. When a lecturer gives assignments (they give a
lot of them remember), do not mind them at all. If you feel like stressing
yourself a little, just submit an empty sheet of paper. Miracles still happen.
Like the one you have heard about that did same and the lecturer put two
question marks (??) on the script and later filled the score as 77! Isn’t that
a miracle?
A friend with weed is
a friend indeed:
Another good method is by smoking weed. A lot of it! Among other things, it helps you imagine how
the world would be without school. You can add some Codeine or Tramadol for
increased ability for Wishful thinking.
You know this one already so I’ll just move to the next method.
Life is a gamble, don’t
stop gambling:
You remember there is always a story about a friend of
another friend who won millions of naira on football betting. (It doesn’t
matter the exact amount, just put any figure you wish.) You know God works in
mysterious ways and who knows, you might just be the next jackpot winner. So
keep betting. You can just get a sure
game and stake your house- rent or school fees. God alone knows which hospital
ward you will end up in. Don’t forget to remember me when you certainly do.
If you want to apply
the religious method, here’s how;
You know Monday is bible study and then Tuesday is counseling.
Mid-week service holds every Wednesday and Thursday is evangelism. Don’t forget
Friday prayers- you know we wrestle not against flesh and blood…. The sanctuary
has to be put in order for Sunday service. Pay your tithes as at when
dues. Don’t bother reading at all; grace
is sufficient…even in the exam hall!
If perhaps you cannot
cope with that one. Here’s a better clue:
You can constantly lurk around the female hostels in the
evenings. You can even extend your tentacles to the other tertiary institutions
around. Who knows, you might find your missing rib(s). If you can’t afford
Sunic fast food or Eismann fries, take her to the nearest buka. Don’t bother
asking her about her favourite food because you already know its shawarma.
Whatever the heck happens after this point is all of your business and none of
mine!
Better still, if you cannot afford the method
above--probably because of either the cost or the responsibility, or both--
here’s a better way.
There a places outside school (there are always such places
outside schools) where your physical needs are met at your own expenses. Such
places abound around school. All you need do is put your eyes to the ground.
There, you don’t need to send recharge cards or buy shawarma(s). What you pay
is what you get. Did I say there’s premium service too? – Importation!
If after all these you are yet to decide which is best
suitable to you, I’ll make a last ditch attempt offer some help:
You can employ the use of some amount of liquid mixed with a
solid particle and help your ministry, if none of those is readily available;
saliva is a worthy friend in such need.
Just like king Solomon said; whatever your right hand finds
to do, do it diligently.
When you abide by these instructions, you wouldn’t even
realize when you would have dropped out of school effectively.
You can add your own method in the comment section.